


I Am Afraid That You Have Me At A Distinct Disadvantage, Sir

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Weird But Beautiful [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bickering, Explicit Language, Family Jewels, Language, M/M, Mutual Pining, Painful Injury, Pining Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Pre-Relationship, Spock in Denial (Star Trek), Subconscious mind, Subscious Mind, Unrequited Yearnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24356041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Spock enters his quarters and finds a man in his bed.  A naked man.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Series: Weird But Beautiful [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761436
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	I Am Afraid That You Have Me At A Distinct Disadvantage, Sir

It might have been one of their usual arguments, except for the subject matter. Whatever it was, they were going at it, hot and heavy, in a corner of the day room while the rest of the diners tried to ignore them. It was an almost everyday event for those two to disagree, so very few people were paying them much attention.

“What’s the topic of the day?” Kirk asked as he slid into a seat at Scotty’s table and nodded toward Spock and McCoy in some sort of heated discussion. Well, McCoy’s words and conduct were heated. Spock was extremely cool acting as if his behavior was one way that battles were won for his side. And it probably was, according to the way he was scoring.

“Who knows, Captain,” Scotty answered with a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head. “I thought it was prudent not to sit anywhere near them, seeing as how I would like to encourage a good digestion of my lunch and I wouldn't be having that if I was seated anywhere near them.”

“Good call. I hope I don’t get sucked into it,” Kirk muttered. “But I know that my success in being able to do that is about ‘zero.’ They have an uncanny way of being able to hunt me up wherever I am. They’re worse than Sherlock Holmes and a pack of bloodhounds all rolled up into one! There's no hiding from them when they get on my trail!”

“Aye, I doubt if even a Jefferies tube would be a safe sanctuary!” Scotty agreed. “They do like you to referee their ‘discussions,’ and that’s a fact.”

“Generally I like to sit with them so I can hear what they’re talking about. Their conversation can be quite stimulating, and I can get both sides of a moral issue. But not today. That looks like out-and-out, garden-variety arguing to me. I can’t see that anything worthwhile could be gained from listening to them.”

But Kirk was wrong. It was a philosophical debate that Spock and McCoy were engaged in. It just didn’t seem like it, though, because of the way that it was being conducted: with a lot of smugness and disdain from Spock and a lot of flashing eyes and waving hands from McCoy. No wonder the onlookers thought Spock was just baiting McCoy as usual. 

But the onlookers would have been wrong about that, too. For Spock was simply disagreeing with something that McCoy had said.

"All I said is that you can't fool your subconscious mind," McCoy repeated. "You might think you're suppressing your emotions, but that's all you're doing. You're not getting rid of them. They're still inside you, boiling around and not giving you any rest."

"I am not experiencing any trouble with my sleeping patterns, Doctor," Spock reassured him with a great deal of pleasure.

"I'm just saying that you might not always have such a happy routine," McCoy said, trying to hold his temper. "Problems with the subconscious might not always be obvious. Underneath your conscious mind are layers of powerful awareness."

"I am well aware of the French psychologist Pierre Janet who coined the term 'subconscious mind' and how it affects conscious behavior. There is no need to lecture me about the origins of modern psychological thought and reasoning, Doctor."

"I wasn't trying to do that. I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page with our discussion."

"If you are inferring by your idiom that we are for once of like minds, then you are indeed correct."

Spock understood that idiom?! He could pick the damnedest times to do so, McCoy thought with disappointment. He probably could've gotten at least five minutes, maybe even ten, of trying to straighten out Spock's thinking about that idiom alone. As it was, he thought it best not to let Spock know of his disappointment.

He gave Spock a lazy smile. "Know of Janet and everything, huh?"

"Yes, I do, Doctor," Spock answered as flatly as he could.

Pissant! He was deliberately being noncombative to aggravate McCoy! And it was working.

McCoy relaxed in relief and drew back with maybe a tiny twinge of regret. It actually seemed like their 'discussion' was over for the day. "Good. I thought if you didn't, I was prepared to have you repeat the course on basic psychology as Janet is recognized as one of the founding fathers of the science." 

"It is not his science in general that I am denying, it is just in how it applies to me that I am objecting." 

McCoy tensed and frowned. And maybe felt a little bit of joy. Because it was back on! 

"Now you're in denial!" He leaned toward Spock. "I'm saying that you're missing a whole lot that goes on around you. It's there, you just don't notice."

"I am the first to admit that sometimes I can become so focused on an interesting problem or new theorem that mundane, superfluous matters are not even detected by me," Spock said haughtily with hooded eyes.

McCoy reared back. "So focused?! Not even detected?!" He leaned in to Spock again. "Why, you green-blooded denier! That's tunnel vision! Selective seeing, if you will!" Spock continued with his insolent look and that only needled McCoy further. "Why, there's a lot of great stuff going on around you all the time that you're missing! Important stuff!" His eyes got a pleading, wistful look, and he said something he probably hadn't meant to say. "People are trying to tell you that they want to know you better, and you won't even give them a chance to hear them out. And that's sad because you're really missing out on something wonderful. And so are they." He quieted. "It's right in front of you and you can't even see it. And that's too bad. Because you are a great guy and you deserve something good." He winced as he looked aside. "Everyone does, even if they don't always get it," he added in a particularly heart-wrenching voice.

Spock, being Spock, misunderstood.

He could see how much this was affecting McCoy, and his protective mode kicked in. How dare someone be cruel to his friend! "Who are these people?" he asked suspiciously. "Why are they hurting you?"

"It's not me getting hurt!"

But Spock was adamant. "Oh, yes, you are. I can see it on your face."

Damn, who wouldn't thought his face was so naked that even Spock could read it?! "What do you care?" McCoy said defensively, switching tactics. "Fat chance you'd even want to listen to what they have to say anyway."

Spock decided to switch his tactics, too. He saw that McCoy was being evasive. "And what is that, Doctor?" Spock replied in a bored (for McCoy's benefit), yet interested (because Spock couldn't help himself) voice. He might be able to deny many things, but his curiosity was always alive and well.

Somewhere through all of the misunderstanding, McCoy realized that he should have switched from the impersonal "they" to "I." He should let Spock know that he was the one wanting to get closer to Spock. But it was just too overwhelming now, and McCoy just wanted some peace and quiet for awhile, if that was possible with a curious Vulcan.

"Nothing," McCoy mumbled as he tried to get involved with whatever kind of food was on his plate. He didn't even remember picking it out, or why. "Just forget it."

"But, Doctor, that is not very satisfactory--"

"I don't care!" McCoy roared in a higher octave than he'd intended as several curious diners glanced his way. He dropped his voice, but his words still had force behind them. "For once in your Vulcan life, leave something alone and forget your damn curiosity!"

Spock raised an eyebrow, but complied.

Across the mess hall, Scotty looked up with worry. "Something just intensified over there. Dr. McCoy's face is an alarming shade of red, and he looks like he would gladly take a big bite out of Mr. Spock if he didn't have to doctor him later."

Kirk sighed. "Whatever's going on between those two, it sure as hell ain't over."

Kirk was right.

They never really knew what had started the idea percolating in Spock's mind. Maybe it was something that Scotty had said or McCoy had groused about or Kirk had mumbled after the fiasco that happened on the next away mission. But it surely had its roots in the "subconscious mind" discussion that Spock had shared with McCoy. And true to McCoy's prediction, it bubbled away without Spock realizing it.

By the time the exhausted and dirty crewmen had beamed back aboard the Enterprise from that inglorious away mission with all of its trials and tribulations, Jim Kirk had found his sense of humor back. "Cheer up, guys! Crawling around that useless rockpile of a planet gave us some valuable information, in spite of all the trouble we had navigating it. Nobody sure as hell would want to live there! There aren't even enough minerals to recommend making it a mining colony." He glanced McCoy's way with a tight-lipped smile. "And I know that Bones isn't in favor of visiting it anytime soon again. How you doing by now? Are the family jewels still screaming about how roughly they were treated?"

"I'll live," McCoy answered. "But I think I'll sleep naked for a long time. Just to let everything cool off and adjust to having all kinds of breathing room." He gave Kirk a hard look. "IF you know what I mean." He grimaced in pain as he gingerly took a slow step.

Spock looked concerned for his friend, but said nothing. More importantly, he did not try to help McCoy. He figured that McCoy might not be in the mood for anyone to touch him at the moment, especially Spock.

Scotty was just happy that it wasn't him who had done the dastardly deed or who had been on the receiving end of it. He felt sorry for both of the dear lads.

Kirk flinched and had sympathy written all over his face. "Bones, it's a wonder that Spock didn't snap that thing right off you when he grabbed you like that. Those things are meant to be petted, not man-handled." Then he couldn't help himself. He had to put a humorous spin on things. It was getting way too serious in here. "If Spock had given you any more of a tug, we'd have to change your name to Leona and house you in the women's section."

McCoy paled, Spock looked pained, but Scotty frowned. "That is no laughing matter, Captain. The lad might have sustained serious injuries."

"The lad might have come back in a body bag," Kirk amended, suddenly serious. "He was headed head-first down the face of that steep incline when Spock snagged him." His demeanor softened. "I'm just saying that it's funny in retrospect. Why, what happened today might bring back the codpiece! For safety's sake, so it wouldn't hurt so much when what's underneath is grabbed!" He smiled. "I'm just happy that it didn't give either one of them ideas."

"Ideas?" Scotty echoed and became a perfect straight man for Kirk.

"Why, generally when someone gets grabbed like that, it means that someone else wants to get real friendly with him. IF you know what I mean!"

"I think that neither lad is interested in that sort of thing right now, Captain."

Maybe Spock and McCoy might not have been at that immediate moment, but most things change in time, especially when two people are mulling them over. Or if their subconscious minds start connecting dots if their conscious minds are too stubborn or ignorant to do so.

Kirk gave Spock a tight-lipped smile. "Tell me, Spock. Did you like getting a hold of McCoy that way?"

Spock looked surprised. "Why would you ask that, Captain?"

"Why, McCoy certainly seemed to be enjoying it, if that woodie he was sporting was any indication."

"Jim!" Scotty protested, forgetting to address Kirk with his rank as was his due.

"What?!" Kirk protested, too, while Spock and McCoy both looked miserable. "Too soon? Too inappropriate? You can't tell me the thought didn't cross their minds."

"Some people might have other things on their minds," Scotty said.

"You're right, of course," Kirk chimed in, suddenly bored with the topic since it wasn't going anywhere. "I suggest that we go back to our duties." He gave each of them a dismissive nod and steamed away, his mind already on other matters that suddenly sounded more stimulating to his quick, easily bored mind.

But a seed was planted in Spock whether anyone had intended it to be or not. A seed was planted in normally unfertile soil. Or maybe the time was just right for the seed to hang on and germinate and grow and flourish. Just because it happened to turn into a weed was beside the point. Some might argue that one man's weed was another man's precious blossom. Was not the accursed dandelion once held in high esteem for its nutritional value to the extent that sodded grass was torn up in order to cultivate what is now considered to be a noxious weed? Beauty, indeed, is in the eye of the beholder. And that holds true in many areas of judging an individual and not just in a comely appearance.

Of course, a lot of the blame could be laid to the fact that it had been a hectic and in many aspects, strange, few days. It had been hard on their bodies as well as their minds.

Spock knew he was needing some rest. He wondered if he had been influenced by McCoy's question about his sleeping patterns. Ever since then, and especially since that disastrous away mission when he had snagged McCoy so unceremoniously, it seemed that Spock had been experiencing sleep deprivation and a general restlessness. Whatever the cause, it was influencing him greatly, and there were times when he felt as if he was going on automatic pilot.

While it is true that Vulcans do not require the same amount of sleep each night as humans, occasionally it does catch up with them and they just plain crash. When Spock would feel one of these infrequent attacks coming, he would quarantine himself for a prolonged period of rejuvenation.

This didn't quite seem like one of those occasions, though. He did not know exactly what it was, but it would soon demand his complete attention, because the day soon came when Spock discovered McCoy in a very compromising position.

Spock had seen his friend, colleague, and fellow officer on the Enterprise many ways, it was true. But never quite like this: naked and in his bed. Enough of McCoy's body was exposed to erase all doubt about his wearing any clothing. Or if he did, it must be an odd garment that he had chosen for apparel. But that wasn't what was primarily bothering Spock at the moment.

"Doctor! What are you doing in here?!" Spock demanded. He had just entered his quarters, ordered the lights to full capacity, and been stunned when the unexplained lump in his bed stirred and sat up.

"I might ask you the same thing," McCoy growled as he scrubbed as his squinting eyes with a fist. "What does a man have to do around here to get some decent sleep without having the Spock Special waking him up in the middle of the night?!"

Spock sniffed in disdain. "I am neither an express train nor is this the middle of the night."

"Coulda fooled me. About both of them," McCoy muttered as he flopped over and shoved his face into his pillow. "Goodbye, Spock. Kill the lights on your way out."

Spock drew himself up. "I have no intentions of doing either," he announced in a crisp, no-nonsense voice.

McCoy opened one eye and gave Spock a jaundiced look. "You're shitting me," he mumbled.

"Doctor, I am not nor will I ever be sh--"

McCoy waved him quiet. "Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Now why the hell are you in here?"

"Because these are my quarters."

That answer stopped McCoy cold and he frowned. "Huh?"

"I am finally tired and I wish to rest," he admitted. "This is where my feet led me. This is where I wish to be."

A sudden thought must have popped into McCoy's mind, because his eyes took on a new light. "Are you saying that this is where your subconscious wanted you to go?"

Why was McCoy being so obtuse. "I believe that is what I said; yes."

McCoy grinned, his sleep forgotten. "Well, I'll be damn. It finally happened, just as I said it would. It might be worth almost getting my tallywacker pulled off just to have you realize that."

Spock frowned. "Realize what, Doctor?"

"What you're really wanting. Your conscious mind didn't know or wouldn't accept it, but your subconscious mind did. Just as I said it would," he declared in triumph.

"How do you know for certain that I do not know what I am wanting, but that my subconscious does?"

"I just do, that's all," McCoy muttered as he messed with his sheets.

"Would you care to share? So I will know what you are meaning?" Spock asked the guy who was becoming more and more standoffish the longer this interview lasted. Honestly, McCoy could be so illogical!

"I do not. I think it would mean more if you get it figured out."

Spock was beginning to lose his patience. "Obviously, there is something I am missing. Please elaborate before this farce goes any further."

"Farce, eh? Okay! Look around you!" McCoy demanded as he shot out a naked arm. "Where's your god-awful masks of death that are supposed to be hanging on the walls?! Where are those blood-curdling weapons that make your quarters look more like an arsenal than a home?! Simple! This ain't your quarters! I'm in this bed because it's mine!"

Spock could suddenly relate to Paul in the Christian Bible. It was as if scales were falling from his eyes as he looked around, dumbfounded. McCoy spoke truth. These were, indeed, McCoy's quarters and not his.

McCoy's eyes flared with fire. "Now what the hell does that tell you about the workings of your razor-sharp mind?! How do you assess the desires of your neglected subconscious now?!"

Spock looked sheepish. "That perhaps it does know better than I do about what I do want."

"Damn straight," McCoy muttered. He flicked aside the sheet and scooted over. "Now get your skinny ass over here and shuck those clothes even faster. We've wasted enough time the way it is."

Spock jerked in surprise. "Doctor?! Whatever does this mean?!"

"It means that I'm not about to let you out of this room now that you're finally in here with me the way I've always wanted."

Spock frowned. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that something that should have happened a long time ago is finally going to get done. Heaven only knows when I'd get you in this compromising position again, and I want to do something about it before we both lose our nerve."

"It will be alright to do this?" Spock asked as he started pulling off his tunic as he approached the bed.

"It will be better than alright. It will be perfect. Now come here. Don't over think it. For once, just go on instinct," McCoy ordered in a husky voice. "Your subconscious and I are way ahead of you about all of this, but we'll give you time to catch up."

"Yes, Doctor," Spock agreed and complied before he thought too much about the logic of what was happening. It still was not making much sense, but he forgot all about that after McCoy put his arms around him and pulled him closer.

And then McCoy began kissing him on the mouth.

Spock began feeling oddly rejuvenated. Why, he suddenly did not feel tired at all!

"That causes the most interesting sensations to my body when you put your lips on mine like that," Spock reported after a few moments of hesitant kissing. "Will electricity always shoot through me when we do that?"

"Just wait until I get the rest of me involved," McCoy answered as he rose up and hovered over Spock. "We're gonna cause a whole damn thunderstorm in this bed before we're finished. Now just follow my lead," he growled softly as he lowered himself over Spock. "You're about to be struck by lightning in a spot that you never thought before that you get hit and live. But you're gonna love it."

And Spock did. He couldn't explain why, he just did. It didn't make much sense, but maybe this was a case in which Spock should just go on instinct and trust. Besides, Spock liked what they did. Even if it wasn't very logical.

Logic had its place, but apparently not in this room.

And Spock decided that that was alright, too.

"Can we do that again, Doctor?" Spock asked with shining eyes.

"I believe that the proper verb form is 'may' as in may we do that again, is that not correct?" McCoy asked smugly as he realized that he'd rattled the uptight Vulcan enough to make him use incorrect English.

"Stop trying to sound like me!" Spock growled as he wrestled McCoy around until he had McCoy on his back and his legs wedged between McCoy's thighs.

"I believe you have me in a compromising position, sir," McCoy remarked with glee. "And for answer, I can only repeat what Mae West so famously said. I am not prone to argue."

"Are you going to recite movie trivia to me?" Spock demanded in mock disgust.

McCoy frowned. "How come you're sounding like me all of a sudden?"

"Turn about is fair play?" Spock teased.

McCoy pushed Spock aside. "That does it! Idioms, too!"

Spock braced his head on his elbow and traced a finger down McCoy's chest. "What if I promise to be a good boy?" he teased.

McCoy was immediately alert. "Then you could have just about anything you wanted from me, darlin.'"

Spock playfully raised an eyebrow. "Anything?"

McCoy raised an eyebrow of his own. "As long as it isn't anything kinky."

Spock's dark eyes twinkled. "And what if it was just a little bit 'kinky?'"

McCoy's eyes flashed. "I'd say it was about time you got that damn subconscious mind of yours under control!" He winked. "Or appeased."

"That is my thinking, also, Doctor," Spock murmured as he pulled McCoy firmly back into his arms. "What do you say to stunning the hell out of my subconscious?"

"I'm thinking we just might rewrite the psychology books," McCoy answered with a grin he couldn't control.

"You will not have the time," Spock murmured and showed him just what he meant.

Demonstrations are better teaching tools than lectures any old day. And they are a whole lot more fun!

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
